I just don't feel like playing

This weekend in the course of a far ranging conversation with an old friend, the subject of guitars and music surfaced. Actually, it was a question, which became a challenge. How was it possible that I wasn't playing, at all? Why was such a significant part of my life sitting in cases under beds and in a closet? The only answer I could give was that I just don't feel like playing.

Now a day removed from the conversation, I can't get it out of my mind. Music was once a fundamental part of my life; like living and breathing. It made me realize just how far I've digressed. My weight issues, and the depression I am just now able to face, have affected every part of my life. I don't feel like me anymore; why do the things that made me who I was?

The decision to have weight loss surgery is about hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. Hope opens the door to all things possible. I am determined to not be the person I was. I am determined to walk in a new reality; a life not hindered by obesity and the emotional cocoon I've created around me.

I'm starting to realize this journey is going to be much greater than a surgical procedure and weight loss. It's going to be a physical, emotional and spiritual journey to find myself. It's going to be about shattering the artificial horizons I've created. It's going to be about living more, loving more and finding who I am.

Tonight, it's going to be about playing guitar.