A New Day Tomorrow

I’m not immune.

Sometimes you wake up in the morning and you’re just not in the mood. Today is one of those the days. I’m a lucky guy. I know it. This has been an incredible year and I have no doubt the trend will continue. But today; sometimes it’s just not your day.

This used to be my life. I’d wake up in an emotional fog and go through the motions of living. I never quite felt in sync. It took years but one day I woke up and didn’t feel like myself anymore. It’s different today. I know the difference between a bad day and a life spun out of control. This will pass. Tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes a pissy mood is just a pissy mood.

I’m a lucky guy; human, fallible, flawed, but lucky none the less.

Tomorrow is a new day.

  

Momentous Occasion

Today is a momentous occasion for two reasons: 

First, I have reached a new threshold. At 197 pounds, I have lost 110 pounds since embarking on my weight loss surgery journey. My pace of weight loss has slowed considerably, but I continue to move in the right direction. When people ask me how much I plan to loose, my answer is always, as much as I can. I am fighting obesity. If I were fighting cancer or another disease, I wouldn't be looking to be cured a little or just enough. I would want the disease eradicated from my life so I could move on and live without fear and limitation. So it is with my battle. 

Second, I have broken the 10,000 visit threshold with this blog. I have registered visits from around the globe and from people I will never meet. I am humbled that anything I have to say could reach and touch people from around the world. I started blogging for two reasons: accountability and release. I still need accountability and writing is cathartic. Now more than ever I hope people are able to see hope and potential. I am nothing special; flawed and scarred like everyone else. If I am able, you are too.  

Today may be a momentous occasion, but it's only a stepping stone to tomorrow and the rest of my journey.

My focus now and moving forward is wholeness; a life well lived; body soul and spirit.

Rest Well, Alberto

I am sad to say; Alberto Maal has passed. The announcement said it was a unexpected cardiac event.

Alberto was the first face most of us saw when traveling to Tijuana for weight loss surgery. He was a true ambassador for the doctors and staff of Belite Weight. Alberto and his big blue van picked us up from the airport and kept the mood light as he shuffled us through customs and on to the hospital. He was quick with a smile and a reassuring comment; always with a twinkle in his eye and a bit of humor.

As we wander this life we occasionally cross paths with those who's impact is greater than the moments we spend together. Alberto is such a person to me. In a moment  when I was filled with apprehension, he and his big blue van pulled up to the curb and suddenly it seemed like everything was OK. He jumped out, threw our bags in, and we were off. For the first time in days I could truly relax. There was nothing else I could do. I was a passenger. Alberto was behind the wheel. The journey was begun.

Alberto Maal was a good man. I feel sad for his family and friends. I send my heartfelt condolences and thank them for sharing his time with me; if only for a few moments. He was the right person at the right time in a journey that has changed my life in ways I never imagined.

Rest well, Alberto.





 

Just Beginning To Comprehend

Nine months ago today I climbed aboard Alaska Airlines bound for San Diego; destination INT Hospital, Tijuana Mexico and a new life.

I didn't fully understand the new life part. I was ready for change. I wanted change; but as far as understanding what I was in for, I hadn't a clue. Even now, I am just beginning to comprehend and appreciate the metamorphosis that is my life. The physical changes are easy to see. All it takes is a mirror and my belt from June 20^th to measure my progress. The emotional and spiritual progress may be less visual, yet even more significant, at least to me. My wife has said many times that Dr. Rodriguez operated on my stomach, but the effects were in my head.

When I had Vertical Sleeve surgery I knew I was fat. I knew I didn't feel good about myself and I knew I wanted change. What I didn't know was that my physical condition was a door closed against my emotion well-being. Obesity controlled every aspect of my life. What I ate; when I ate; how much I ate. Where I went; what I wore; who I’d meet. Through obesity I put limits and conditions on virtually every aspect of my life. I shunned social situations and was increasingly content to hide at home. Life felt like an activity that had passed by me.

A funny thing happened when I lost a hundred pounds; I found myself! I’m not perfect. Losing weight hasn't fixed all that’s flawed in me, but it’s open doors in my physical and emotional well-being that have been firmly locked for years. In nine months my life has changed more than I ever dreamed possible. I dared to dream of weight loss. I dared to dream of life without limits; thinking of stairs and other physical barriers. It turns out my dreams were small.

Few things in life ever turn out better than you dream them to be; this has.      

Choose Health, Fitness, Life!

This weekend my daughter gave me a birthday present; a new fleece jacket. It is a very nice article of clothing and I very much appreciate the gift and the gesture. What I appreciate most, is the size. When I pulled it out of the gift bag, I noticed the size. I have to admit I was a little nervous to try it on. I haven’t worn a Men’s MEDIUM since, I don’t know, maybe Junior High! Not only does my new fleece jacket fit, it looks great! I doubt I’ll ever put on my new favorite fleece jacket without thinking about that moment and my daughter too.  

I’m not trying to brag. I hope it’s apparent that I’m not gloating. I am excited to be where I’m at this time and place in my journey. Just as important, I hope that those who struggle with food and weight issues find hope and encouragement. That’s my message. I am not special. If I say look at me, it’s only so you can see what you too can do.

Be encouraged. Choose health, fitness, life!

Back In The Drawer

I've been hanging onto my prized finisher shirt from the 1992 Skagit Flats Marathon, size XL. Deep down inside I don't think I thought I would ever be able to wear it. Even when I got it, it was a little snug; there's not much call for double or triple XL marathon finisher shirts. But I kept it. I completed the 1992 Skagit Flats Marathon; all twenty six point two miles. I ran every step of the way and I've always considered it to be one of my most significant achievements. And I've kept the finisher shirt ever since; not hanging on the wall like a prize, but in the bottom of a drawer.

I wouldn't have worn my Skagit Flats Marathon Finisher's shirt even if I could have. It's hard to talk about running a marathon or climbing mountains or extreme skiing when you're as big as I was. People look at you like you're reciting a book; really, you ran a marathon? Several years ago I realized I was omitting large portions of my life story in certain settings. It was easier than following with; and then I got fat.

It took time, but, it started the process of withdraw; living life in rear-view. One day you wake up and realize the person you are isn't the person you thought you were and definitively not the person you want to be. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment of realization, decision, commitment; I would bottle it up and offer it as a silver bullet to anyone struggling with food and weight issues. Unfortunately, the best I can do is offer encouragement. I had weight loss surgery 276 days ago and I'm down 109 pounds. Weight loss surgery isn't a cure, put it's a pretty powerful tool for those like me with a long history of failure and frustration.

A funny thing: my Skagit Flats Marathon finish shirt is too big now. I know it's never going to fit me again, but I still consider finishing a full marathon one of my greatest personal achievements. More important, I now see a way forward to running again and so much more.

I love that shirt. It's going back in the drawer.











   

Enjoying the Grace

Confession time: I should be out running or riding. I should be doing something to get my heart rate into the target zone. I should be out there shakin' & movin', but I'm not. After three weeks of perpetual motion and moving, I'm content to sit-out this Saturday morning. I'll let this break in the rain slide by, even if it means running in the rain tomorrow.

Last night our granddaughter spent the night with us. This morning she is content with grandma's ipad. Michelle is enjoying a cup of coffee and some quiet time before the day gets hectic. And I sit here looking out the window, thinking I should be out there running. Or should I? My life has been full of moments wishing I was somewhere else; someone else. Today I'm going to get another up of coffee and enjoy the grace that is this very moment.

I can run tomorrow. It's supposed to rain.

No Doubt About It

For me, writing is cathartic, which goes a long way towards explaining why I haven't written much this week. Life is good.

Actually, life is great.

I've broken the 200 pound barrier and I continue to loose weight. We've settled into a new home and have started exploring our new neighborhood. We've come full circle - twenty years - and are settle in at Calvary Chapel, Everett. Jess, Jason & Layla were over for dinner last night. Lindsey, Jeremy and the kids will be over for dinner tonight. I'm fortunate enough to be married to my best friend. I could go on and on, but I wont. I don't want to sound like one of those too perfect, too happy people who make you want to pull out your hair. I'm not. My life has been full of challenges, crisis and enough heartache to make a puppy cry. All of which make me appreciate my present state all the more.

It's been an incredible run. I'm deeply satisfied with my current state and excited to see what the future brings.

No doubt about it: I'm a lucky guy.

Even Better Than You Imagine

Today's the day!

Current weight 199.6

200 pound barrier broken

107.6 pounds so far

I thought there would be joy and singing and happy dancing all over the place. It's actually a very humbling and somber moment.

Whatever your personal struggle; we all have them. I wish you the very best. If you're personal demon is food and weight issues, I understand.

Start today. Do it for you. It's going to be even better than you imagine.