No Reason For Fear

Thanksgiving is saved!


The meal begins.

Enough is enough.

Can you guess which two are sisters?


I tried a little of each.












It turns out there was no reason to fear. The food was awesome, but just being with family was better. For the first time in my memory I walked away from the Thanksgiving table gratified, satisfied and NOT stuffed to excess.

This has been an incredible year. I have so much to be thankful for; a bunch of them were sitting around the table with me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Change Is Good

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It has been for many years. I can close my eyes and I'm back at grandma's table; the smell of the feast cooking mingling with the aroma of fresh made pies cooling on the counter. The commotion of cousins playing on the floor at the feet of grandpa's big chair. Mom, grandma and the aunties in the kitchen. Football and the seasonal first appearance of the big nutcracker in the living room. And the food, so much food; turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans, Brussels sprouts, rolls and butter. And the pies, so many pies; pumpkin, apple, mince, berry and grandma's famous chocolate cream under mounds of whipped cream.

Theses are the memories etched into my very existence.

This year the question I must ask myself, five months post surgery, is Thanksgiving still the Thanksgiving I know and love without the gluttony and excess? Can I enjoy the main meal of the year strategically? Only so much food is going on my salad plate, I must plan carefully and not waste a single bite.

Starting tomorrow, my goal is for family, friends and fellowship to trump food. I can't deny the place food has been in my life, but looking ahead I want change. I need change. I want my life to be about the people and experiences that are important to me and less about the meal.

Change is good.

From the bottom of my heart, Happy Thanksgiving.        

No Place To Be

Today has been the quietest, most laid-back, Sunday afternoon we've experienced in a long time. Home from church, a pot of ham & bean soup on the stove, a stupid Hallmark Christmas movie playing in the background while I listen to some tunes in my headphones. No agenda. No place to be. Just a quiet afternoon; probably the last quiet afternoon we'll have before the pandemonium that is the holiday season.

It all starts tomorrow with the arrival of Michelle's sister, Yvonne and then Thursday my favorite of all holidays, Thanksgiving. Then the Nutcracker with grand babies, Christmas, New Years and and as much fun as we can cram into a six week period. It's going to be great.

First; more music, more nothing, on with the calm.






     

Today Wasn't Normal

Michelle and I hiked the Meadowdale trail again this afternoon.

I say again because last time we tackled the trail was July sixth, I was sixteen days post surgery and I ended up in urgent care sucking three liters of fluids through my right arm - good times. The Meadowdale trail is only a mile and a quarter each way, but it's steep down to the beach and even steeper on the way back up to the parking lot. Today's time was twenty one minutes to the beach and twenty eight minutes back, and that included a couple of photo stops. Best of all, I'm pretty confident there isn't any unscheduled medical treatment in my near future.

A funny thing happened on the way to Meadowdale Beach today. It started pretty normal. We parked the car. We loaded the backpack with water bottles and camera gear. We started down the trail and twenty one minutes later we arrived at the park.  At the picnic area there's an underpass that take you under the train tracks to the beach. Here was the problem. The cut under the tracks also funnels a little creek into Puget Sound. Normally, the creek is little more than a trickle. I guess today wasn't normal.  

The path under the tracks was flooded. Since neither of us was prepared for wading up to our knees, we passed on the beach. As I huffed my way up the hill to the car I couldn't help but think somebody should have been thoughtful enough to place a warning sign at the trail head. A little warning would have been nice considering the motivation for our little exercise was the beach. Actually the motivation was exercise, but the beach is where we were going.

Imagine how silly I felt when we go back to the parking lot and right in front of my face was a sign. A big sign. A big warning sign saying the access tunnel to the beach was closed. Funny, I didn't notice the great big beach closed sign before we spent nearly an hour hiking straight down and them immediately straight back up a stupid hill without accessing the beach. Funny.

                                                Here's the good part, the exercise was awesome all the same.

Big News

I made a startling discovery at the gym this evening. 

A standard bath towel will gird my loins. No longer do I need the jumbo, extra-large, souvenir beach towel to wrap my assets as I walk from the showers to the dressing area. A standard bath towel works just fine; thank you very much.

That may not sound like much, but it’s huge. For years my life has about what fits, not necessarily what I like. Why do designers always assume just because you wear a triple extra-large you want to look like Barney Rubble in a bowling shirt? I can tell you from experience that airline seats and your typical restaurant booth are not designed for ‘real’ men. Nothing is quite as embarrassing as asking your friendly flight attendant for seat belt extension. It’s bad enough you going to spend the next several hours with your bottom-side squeezed like it’s in a vice, first you have to raise your hand and say,

“Hey, over here, I’m too fat for my seat belt.”

   

Of all the positives that come from significant weight loss, and there are many, the ones that make me giddy are things wrapping up in a stand bath towel, tying my shoes without gasping for breath and sliding into a restaurant booth without worrying about cutting of the circulation to my torso.

“Would you be more comfortable at a table?”

I know the waitress meant well, but A) I wasn't sure I could get out of the booth without assistance from the fire department and B) since I was already stuck, there was no sense worrying about it until after dessert.

It’s been five months and ninety one pounds since I had weight loss surgery. My life has changed in more ways than I ever imagined possible. Instead of looking for way to avoid life, I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. I have health, hope and optimism for a new day. And, I can wrap-up in a standard bath towel.

That’s big news!

Tempting Fate

Tomorrow night is racquetball.

It's taken a week for my back to straighten and be nearly pain free, so I guess it's time to tempt fate, again.

Actually, that's my home run swing; tempting fate.

Somehow I've ruined Michelle's morning mojo, and it isn't even tomorrow morning yet.

I went to the store this evening this evening and when I returned home, I backed in. I backed in so Michelle could make a speedy get-away in the morning. I backed in thinking I was doing her a favor. I backed in because I thought it as the nice thing to do. Apparently, I've ruined everything. Michelle pulled in forward because the the close proximity to the house shields the windshield from frost. Never mind that I park on the street where my car freezes up like Ice Road Truckers. Last year I would scrape Michelle's windows while my car warmed up; that is until I found out her windows refroze before she left and my efforts were wasted. I don't mind scraping Michelle's windows. Who doesn't like standing in the cold at five in the morning only to have your efforts refreeze before eight?

That's how marriage works. I scrape windows for the fun of it, and Michelle washes my gym clothes. I think I'm getting off easy.

I think I'll go turn her car around before bedtime; no sense tempting fate if I don't have to.



 

Trajectory of Life

Some days aren't so great; days like today.

Fortunately for me, most of my days these days are pretty great. Significant weight loss will do that for a person. So will a great weekend: time with family; a visit to our old church; a quiet lunch just me and Michelle at a little restaurant in Coupeville. These are the people and places that count. A few chips not falling my way on occasion, don't change the trajectory of my life.

Some days aren't so great; so what!

A Pretty Much Almost Great Day

It's been a pretty much almost great day.

Today is my little sister's fiftieth birthday. Happy birthday, Laura!

I'm down 90.4 pounds so far. Yeah!

And, my back is killing me. Boo!

I have chronic back and knee problems. Years of running, skiing and other fitness sports best reserved for fit people, but pursued by a tank like me, have taken their toll. The best benefit of weight loss so far has been the vast reduction in pain. Every morning I get up and my knees rejoice at the reduced load. Last night I played racquetball; today I feel like a crippled old man. I haven't been this seized-up since before my surgery. I am in pain.

I'm counting it as a message from the future. A little advance notice; a reminder of daily life before surgery. Hey stupid, don't go there 'cause it hurts. Being a typical guy I'm not good with subtle reminders. I'm more of a board up-side the head kind of guy. This is one such occasion. Just in case I'm tempted to 'go back' - it is possible, there are plenty of high calorie liquids that are not restricted by the vertical sleeve - a day like today reminds that the good old days weren't that great.    

I know I have back problems. I also know weight reduction is the number one thing I can do to mitigate the problem. So I twitched or twisted the wrong way on the racquetball court, I'll be better tomorrow. I recovered before weight loss, I'll recover quicker with weight loss.

Even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment, it's all good from here.





   

Pleased None The Less

I work in an office full of old men. Except for the ‘kid’, I’m the youngest guy in the room. When the endless conversation concerning food, football or everything wrong in the world gets to be too much, I put in ear buds and tune out to Pandora. Not that I don’t have an opinion on everything, because I do. Sometimes I need to get a little work done and that’s much easier to accomplish without overhearing marriage advice from a group of old men with more divorces than successful marriages; at least a 2:1 ratio by my estimation. Any time the advice starts with, you tell her this… It’s time for a rebuttal and or a little music.

Lucky for her he’s a good kid and smart enough to realize he’s surrounded by a whole lot of stupid.

Michelle’s always telling me not to focus only on weight, but to consider the inches lost too. Last night she grabbed a sewing tape and told me to hold still. The total loss so far is thirty-three inches. No wonder my jeans are getting saggy in the bottom again. The two numbers that stand out in my mind are my waist and my neck; 10” and 5” respectively. The next biggest loser was my thighs at three inches each.

Needless to say, I was pleased with the numbers.

Not like I will be when I break the hundred pound mark, but pleased none the less. 

A Dear Friend

Tonight I had the distinct pleasure of sharing my weight loss surgery with a dear friend from a time long ago. Time passes. The travels of life create distance, but a friend is a friend. And with a true friend, the gap of time and distance are closed in the span of a single phone call.

I truly wish for you all the best. Hugs and love from your west coast kid brother.

I love you.

A Pretty Great Weekend

It’s been a full and eventful weekend; just the way I like it.

Friday night Michelle & I did a little window shopping and then had an ‘appetizer’ dinner. I’m not one for wandering around looking at ‘stuff’, but when the trip includes a stroll through REI, I can be convinced. When the tour includes racks of new ski gear, I can hardly be contained. Contained I was. Michelle tried on a drop-dead gorgeous parka that will have to wait for the spring sales.

Did I mention Michelle looked drop-dead gorgeous in that ski parka?     

Saturday, after my morning workout, I spent a couple hours having lunch with old friend Rick. He’s visiting ‘home’ from Arizona, where he and his wife now live. I guess everybody needs a dose of cold rain once in a while. It was get good to hang out and get caught-up on life. Rick and I spent a lot of time together skiing, hanging out and just being in our early twenties. When small talk turns to grandchildren and pending retirement, you know life has ratcheted forward a few notches.

Today Michelle & I held open house in Mukilteo. It’s encouraging to see how many people are out looking; even better are the number of people with the stated intention to buy. That’s what we like to hear.

All in all it was a pretty great weekend. The only way it could be better is if I were down 89 pounds.

Oh wait, I’m down 89 pounds.

Life is pretty great right now.

I’m a lucky guy.

  

New Holes In My Old Belt

A crazy thing happened tonight.

Michelle brought home a new pair of trousers for me. The tag hanging on them stated they were size 36. I tried them on and they were snug; very snug. No matter how much I sucked in my stomach, I just couldn't get them to close at the top. I put on a brave face but I was sorely disappointed. I really thought I was getting close to a 36 waist.

I recently added a couple of new holes in my old belt, and my 'new' 38's are getting a little baggy in the seat. I'd understand if a 36 waist were snug, but to not be able to close them was a blow.

No sense crying over tight trousers.

As I was folding the new pants and trying to decide if I should hang onto them for 'someday', I noticed something. There sewn neatly into the waistband was a tag; a tag that clearly stated size 34. These pants were miss-marked. Yeah! I was trying to squeeze into a pair of size thirty-four trousers, and I just about did it.

Disappointment instantly changed into elation. Frustration changed into anticipation, and very soon, this guy is changing into a new pair of pants.


Weight update:  87 pounds so far.

    

There Is Hope

I haven't written in a couple of days because, frankly, I haven't had much to say.

Life has become so ordinary. I hardly remember the 'good' old days, four months ago, when I weighed in excess of three hundred pounds. If I didn't occasionally reach into the back of my top drawer and pull out a pair of jumbo extra large undies, I'd probably forget about the whole obesity thing. Trust me, jumbo extra large undies are a reminder that can't be ignored.

Four months! It's amazing how quickly years of eating issues, weight issues, pain and frustration have melted away. I used to carry the burden of obesity like a terminal disease, which it could have easily been.

I know what it feels like to be without hope. I know what it feels like to wake up and go through the motions of life but not really living. I know it all too well.

I'm here to say, there is hope.

Like most things meaningful in life; it takes a decision, a plan and work. It all starts with a decision. For me it was a burden I thought I was powerless to change. Thankfully I was was wrong. A lot can change in four months. I'm living proof.

I guess I had something to say after all.

Examined And Laid Bare

A bittersweet day; some days go that way.

I helped Michelle hold open house in Mulkiteo. It was a slow day so I got to spend a lot of time admiring the view. It was impossible not to think back and lament our home in Anacortes. For two years we got to live on the water at Fidalgo Bay. For two years we got to watch Eagles soar, the sun rise over Mt Baker and a family of Otters swim back and forth in front of us. For two years we lived the dream. It was an incredible time; marred by the crash of the economy in 2008 and ultimately our business.

Such is life. One day I was standing on the mountaintop and the next day everything was crumbling around me. It was an experience that caused me to question everything I had ever known. It was an experience that eventually led us to live in China. It's been a long road. 

Since then everything I thought and knew about myself, where I stand in life and where I'm going has been questioned, examined and laid bare. Even my weight issues and the decision to have weight loss surgery were a result of the crisis and self examination.  

I am a different person today. What I cherish and hold dear has pitched and changed. I’m coming to grips with the balance of life and what remains in the sands. My priorities have changed. I have more urgency in what matters to me most and less patience for that which does not. I am determined that when it’s all said and done there be something tangible that defines who I am; earthly success, failure and weight loss aren't it. 

It seems like there should be more.

Sometimes it’s good to reflect. Sometimes it's hard. At least this time the view was awesome.

Processed Sugar & Toxic Red Dye

Michelle & I are living large tonight; propped up in bed watching a British Comedy marathon on PBS. The only suspense is which one of us is going to fall asleep first. I hope it's me, I hate fishing around in the covers looking for the remote.

Now that we're two days removed from Halloween, I think my blood sugar should be returning to normal. I haven't eaten a fraction of what has been my normal capacity, but a few bites here and there add up. When it comes to processed sugar and toxic red dye there isn't really an acceptable limit, it's all too much.

It's ironic I've become the guy who paces himself one or two M&M's at a time.I used buy the Costco bag of M&M's and call it evening's work. Ironic yes; funny no.

Now that we've survived Halloween, up next is Thanksgiving. Anyone who's been around me at all knows Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Food, family and not a single trip to the mall for one more gift is how I've always sold it. It's going to be interesting fitting the main meal of the year on a salad plate. It's going to be heartbreaking fitting the dessert course on a saucer.

This has been the year of change. Thanksgiving dinner on a salad plate is just one more.

Change is good.