Back In The Drawer

I've been hanging onto my prized finisher shirt from the 1992 Skagit Flats Marathon, size XL. Deep down inside I don't think I thought I would ever be able to wear it. Even when I got it, it was a little snug; there's not much call for double or triple XL marathon finisher shirts. But I kept it. I completed the 1992 Skagit Flats Marathon; all twenty six point two miles. I ran every step of the way and I've always considered it to be one of my most significant achievements. And I've kept the finisher shirt ever since; not hanging on the wall like a prize, but in the bottom of a drawer.

I wouldn't have worn my Skagit Flats Marathon Finisher's shirt even if I could have. It's hard to talk about running a marathon or climbing mountains or extreme skiing when you're as big as I was. People look at you like you're reciting a book; really, you ran a marathon? Several years ago I realized I was omitting large portions of my life story in certain settings. It was easier than following with; and then I got fat.

It took time, but, it started the process of withdraw; living life in rear-view. One day you wake up and realize the person you are isn't the person you thought you were and definitively not the person you want to be. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment of realization, decision, commitment; I would bottle it up and offer it as a silver bullet to anyone struggling with food and weight issues. Unfortunately, the best I can do is offer encouragement. I had weight loss surgery 276 days ago and I'm down 109 pounds. Weight loss surgery isn't a cure, put it's a pretty powerful tool for those like me with a long history of failure and frustration.

A funny thing: my Skagit Flats Marathon finish shirt is too big now. I know it's never going to fit me again, but I still consider finishing a full marathon one of my greatest personal achievements. More important, I now see a way forward to running again and so much more.

I love that shirt. It's going back in the drawer.