This Is Going To Be Good

Although blogging is new for me, I've been writing weekly since 2001.

My career has moved us often. It started with a Christmas letter and turned into a weekly address to stay connected with family and friends. I published a weekly letter until we returned from China in June 2011. At that point my writing became very sporadic, linked mainly to the few highs in my life, but mostly long silent lows. Although I didn't recognize it at the time, I had entered a long slide into depression. Feeling crushed by life and circumstance, I took pleasure and solace in food and started to shut out life around me.



Sunday, April 7,2013. I have made a decision: I will have weight loss surgery.



Five little words: I have made a decision. It can also read: I will take control. It also means: I assume responsibility. And certainly in my case: enough is enough.The six words that follow are meaningless without the first five. The decision is the foundation of my life transformed.

This morning as I looked through years of my own words I was struct by the constant tension and struggle to reconcile the person I'd become with the person I'd been against the person I wanted to be. Like a muddy river flowing through my life, my weight was a constant reminder of abandoned dreams and failure. Not that my life was all desperation; I have a wonderful wife and family. In many respects my life is full and rich beyond measure. Still there was always an undercurrent swirling around me. Sometimes in the distance; sometimes nearly drowning me.

For the first time in many years I can look at the new year with eager anticipation. I no longer lament the past peaks and glories never to be relived, but look forward to life without limits. The life I've dreamed of for so long is now my reality. For the past six months I've focused on weight loss. It has been an incredible experience, but weight loss surgery is just a tool to get me where I want to be. My goal all along has not been smaller jeans, but life without limits. It's time to go outside and live.

This is going to be good!