Sometimes I reflect and it seems like it has all passed so
quickly, like time is a mirage. I can close my eyes and I’m back at grandma
& grandpa’s cabin smelling bacon cooking. I can hear a song on the radio
and I’m in the hospital waiting for my daughter to be born. I can look at
the stars on a clear night and I’m camped in a meadow three days deep in the
Olympic wilderness; sailing on the ocean; standing outside of the lights while
skiing at night.
The mind is a tricky place. Recollections can be comforting.
They can be sad. Recently I looked in the mirror with a couple days growth and
saw grandpa’s grizzled gray beard staring back at me. It was startling; a stark
reminder that where I stand on the timeline of life.
An old family friend used to say youth was wasted on the
young. I didn’t understand at the time, although I understand perfectly now. To
have the opportunities of youth with the knowledge of experience is the
impossible dream. We do the best we can with what we have at the time before
us; nothing more, nothing less. There is nothing I can do about yesterday no
matter how much I would try. I can only work from this moment on. Regret is
only useful when converted to a lesson learned, an experience gained, and a
basis for making better informed decision today; if it were only that easy.
I’ve been lucky enough to live a wide and varied life. In
spite of honest mistakes and outright stupidity, I’ve come to realize I’m a
lucky man. The good far outweighs the bad. I may not be rich in the
accountants’ measure, but I have family, friends and experiences that kings can
only dream of.
Something someone said got me thinking. It was a bittersweet
memory. Not of regret; of sadness and opportunity lost.
Some may wonder what this has to do with weight loss surgery
or the process of losing weight. It has everything to do with the process of
learning to live and feel and accept the emotions that course through my veins
without turning to food for a buffer. For me, that’s huge.
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